Trust

Trusting God seems to be a big theme in my life right now. I feel like everyday something new comes up that I cannot control but I try to anyway and fail miserably. I know in my heart that my response should always be to trust Jesus and come to him with my problems, asking him to bear the weight and lead me to a solution. I know that only the Lord can sort out the trouble and only he has the answers, but because I am stubborn I don't always do this. Instead I end up spinning my wheels until I am brought to the end of myself when I realize, yet again, that I cannot do anything without Jesus.

This reminds me of a song that we sing in church that begins:

"The feeling of walking around in circles is getting old.
Dead ends and detours on the road of life, they make me fall.
I surrender, I surrender, I surrender all to you my Lord.
Surrender, surrender, surrender all to you my King."

This song often brings me to tears because the words are simple yet totally piercing. As a christian I know that the answer is always Jesus. Jesus is the great redeemer and our faithful counselor. I know that a relationship with him is the only way to true joy and happiness, as well as the only road to heaven, but as a sinful human I don't always seek him or surrender to him as I should. Instead as the song so pointedly states, I walk in circles trying to fix my problems without talking to the Lord until the weight of it all brings me to my knees and I can do nothing but ask for his forgiveness and help.

Being a new mom this has been a reality more than I want to admit. It seems like I have spent a good part of the past six months trying to manage situations and keep my life "under control", which inevitably leaves me frustrated, crying and completely overwhelmed....ask Ryan, he'll tell you. However when I do pray in times of trouble and surrender to the Lord admitting that I cannot do this alone, it seems like even the craziest days are doable. He gives me the strength to keep going and peace in knowing that he is in charge. God is great.

So I have been praying lately that God would change my heart and help me to trust him completely and not allow worry or anxiety to plague me as they do. Although God's plan is not always the most comfortable or glamorous, I know that his plan is perfect and I desire to go down the path that he has set out for me, not off on my own beaten path.

So, Ryan's car died, officially and finally, a couple weeks ago and instead of my first reaction being "Ahhhhh, what are we going to do?" I thought "Well, we'll figure it out, God knows how to deal with this and I trust Him." Which surprised the heck out of me to tell you the truth. I am not usually this faithful right off the bat and never this calm, but by the grace of God I was at peace, without anxiety or worry, and truly living out Proverbs 3:5:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding."

The Lord has been teaching me to trust in him lately and finally I responded faithfully. Thank you Jesus for being such a wonderful God who teaches us slowly so that we can get there eventually and give all the glory to you.

"O Lord of hosts,
How blessed is the man who trusts in you!" Psalm 84:12